Autism is not that

Sometimes I’m really confused whether the world is trying to glamorize Autism or it’s being condescending or, worse still, it’s undermining it….because I feel none of these about my son’s condition.

I see people rushing to squeeze celebrities , mathematicians, scientists and other famous personalities into the Autism spectrum, and I wonder which Autism are they talking about. I understand that this is a spectrum and people can be on either of the two extreme ends but please, for Autism’s sake, let’s not call a once gawky shy teenager Autistic simply because he was not comfortable being social or someone with obsession for cleanliness or a special liking for a certain toy Autistic. It belittles the seriousness of the condition and somehow implies that it’s not a big deal. It is a big deal and that is why a small organization employing a bunch of employees on the spectrum is big news and that is why there are numerous seminars training parents and caregivers to help transition autistic kids to adulthood so that they can “manage” the rest of their life living in a modified accommodation. It’s not as romantic as it looks from the stories of success that you read.

I’m not sure if Rainman did service or disservice to the Autism community. Unlike what a lot of us think, Autistic people are not reclusive geniuses who barely speak but when they do it’s the wittiest of quips,  smartest of phrases or the most philosophical two lines you’ve ever heard. Not every Autistic person can visually count a bunch of toothpicks splayed on the floor or mentally do complicated mathematical calculations. .

Ask a mom who still takes her 14 yr old son to the ladies restroom because he cannot go independently yet. Ask the parents who are still waiting for that one look of recognition in their child’s eyes. Talk to the mom for whom grocery shopping without a meltdown is such a big achievement that she writes and raves about it on social media groups. Or watch a mom beaming with pride and crying with joy when her 8 yr old says “hi” for the  first time. That is the real picture of autism… The list goes on, including only a few examples that involve challenges regular parents can even remotely relate to. So, I would earnestly ask everyone to know and read more about what really a majority of people on the spectrum actually look like and not go by the rosy images that you see and hear.

Some see an Autistic child as just a badly brought up kid who needs some discipline and a little time. To them, he is the result of ignored parenting and insufficient monitoring. If the child is verbally delayed, then it’s probably because we did not give him enough opportunities to express himself and his wishes were fulfilled  even before he could ask for those. It’s as simple as that. If he does not tolerate all the food textures that’s because the mom does not take the time to cook and serve different foods and finds an easy way out instead. His meltdowns are tantrum that the parents have not learnt to handle. His poor social skills is merely an introvert kid keeping to himself and his low cognitive or motor skills are simple delays that we need to get over and stop obsessing about. The whole gamut of issues associated with Autism is simplified into two word…”poor parenting”. If he had a physical deformity, it would be a whole different conversation altogether. So this is to people who judge the parents for their kid’s diagnosis–please stop making Autism look insignificant– because it’s not. It’s a medical condition and a real one at that.

And for the rest who pity people on the spectrum, I have to ask them–why? Is being just another average person so important? Just because we have not been able to tap into the potential of a person with Autism does not make him any less extraordinary. It’s not their fault if we are not smart enough to make way into their world. It only reflects our inability to think beyond and out of the proverbial box.

So friends, once and for all, let’s look Autism in the face and accept it for what it is: the bad, the good, and the extraordinary. Let’s try not to cover it with a shiny cloak or give it a PR support that it does not need. People on the spectrum live a rather challenging life but they are incredible in their own ways. Let’s appreciate it and not try to forcefully mould them to fit our social standards. This is probably what a lot of people on the spectrum might be trying to tell us. I know my son is.