Ever since my son was diagnosed with Autism, we’ve been told by several support groups , therapists and county service providers how lucky we are , how special our son is and how proud we should be of him. I just could not wrap my head around the idea that I’m fortunate to have a child who has almost no self or social awareness, no speech and no cognition. It just seemed consolatory, like the -”they’re in a better place” cliche’. How is that supposed to make me feel better? How does a disabling condition like Autism make someone special ?
Every time I see kids on the playground invite Vedant to a game of tag while he is oblivious of their very presence, I wonder what makes him special.
Whenever I see him cry in pain or discomfort, struggling to tell us what’s going on and not being able to do so , I want to cry out loud and ask :what makes this helplessness special ! ?
Occasionally, when I walk past a classroom full of bustling , busy kids – talking about superheroes ,the latest mobile game , the forgotten homework and the book they read while I take Vedant to a room in the corner that’s for kid’s with special need, I ruminate over what makes the “almost devoid of the infectious kid’s energy” corner so special .
When I watch kids shrieking with delight the moment they enter a toy store and then see Vedant wandering off to a quiet spot , stimming on his hand, a wheel or the helicopter blades, not interested in the shelf full of toys around him, I fail to appreciate the exceptional nature of the situation.
Anytime I hear kids raving about a vacation they are going to or their upcoming birthday party and then I think about Vedant ,completely engrossed in his bubble, unaffected by his upcoming birthday or a vacation, I am forced to ask how special a picture it paints.
I see kids going to piano recital, soccer and baseball practice , playdates, sleep overs, swim meets, scouts and camps and every time I think about the euphemistic expression of special that Vedant has been tagged with.
I really used to get negatively affected when someone called him special . It was as if his faultline was showing and someone was just pointing it out- politely.
I still find “special needs” not the fittest term for him. He is special to me, very very special but not the way the world labels him special. He is special because he fills my heart with warmth every time he randomly comes and hugs me (he comes for those deep pressures that he seeks, but I call it his attempt to recharge his batteries by getting a refill of love from me). He is amazing because I know that he will probably never be touched by malice, hatred, envy or any other negative feelings- he will always be as pure as a child. He is remarkable because inspite of his limitations he seems to navigate the world around him with such aplomb and confidence. He is incredible because of how much unconditional love he has in him. He is very special but in a very different way, a very personal way, not in the “special “ way he is perceived to be.
I want the world to call him special not to categorize him but to appreciate him, acknowledge his courage in his limitations, applaud his personality that is so alluring, encourage him to fight the challenges he is dealing with every single moment, instead of staring at him, I urge the world to look into his eyes and tell him he is accepted the way he is and appreciate him for the very extraordinary situation that he is in. Instead of flagging him as special, make him feel special ..by making him feel one of us.
Let’s hold his hand and let him lead the way…on his very special journey.
Hey Tuli
This brought tears in my eyes…may God giveyou strength to handle this situation
I loved the blog, and it was a very heartwarming story, indeed. It must be very difficult living with a situation like this, having your son labeled, him having little social skills and whatnot. But Tulika Auntie, HE IS SPECIAL and he always will be, and I know you may think I am saying it like the rest of the world does, but trust me, with the effort you put into his little brilliant mind, his condition will be cured. There are many other diseases and conditions that take a toll and become a burden on many families, but you handle it like a BOSS! So, never be brought down by any lable and stay strong! (Suggestion, “thoughtlets” is spelled wrong).
Thanks so much for pointing out the typo Rutvij. You are very observant !
I value your input Tulika.Ved IS accepted the way he is( no doubt).
Every life can be edited to be either grim or inspiring , while its always a mix.
You are doing your best to take Ved to the next level, wish to see many sweet improvements….
Thanks so much for your good wishes Laxmi!
Ved indeed is special! So are allof us.I put a question to you,are you perfect or do you know anyone whho is perfect in all aspect.We all are imperfect,percentage may differ.No doubt situation is a bit more grim with Ved.The world will nevee change.You will have to be brave enough to face the world on his behalf.Treat him as any other child and gradually things will improve.This is my gut feeling.Your outlook towards him is going to change the outlook of the society.So keep trying and keep alive the positivity in you.
Nothing SPECIAL to say. I can feel each and every word that you have written. I agree with whatever you have shared . Our Ved will always give us happiness. Never lose hope . A better tomorrow will definitely come. Your efforts will surely show results.
ALWAYS read the 8th para which you have written. Ved is important and loved by all of us.
Let’s hold his hand and let him lead the way……..on his very special journey. 🙂
May God bless Ved and give you strength to fight back.
Koi kuch bhi bol de..haar nahi maanna
Consider developing a plan that will allow him to participate in social activities with the help of an aide if necessary. Maybe after school. My daughter’s IEP paralleled both her physical, emotional, and social development since her cognitive ability was delayed due to her brain abnormality. She presents as autistic but she is not on the spectrum. She is non verbal and delayed in development functioning at a very young age although in many ways she is very much the same as any 22,year old today.
That’s a great advice ! I have his IEP meeting coming up. I’ll definitely bring this up in the meeting. Thanks for visiting my blog. Please remember to subscribe so that we can stay in touch.
Tulika our kids are always special and as you said they are free from malice and envy, they are little angels in that sense. please keep writing, you have a gift to be able to express what the rest of us feel but are unable to say
Yes Rashmi, their beauty is their innocence and purity. Thanks for visiting my blog. Please feel free to subscribe to the blog and follow it on Facebook.
Yes Tulika, He is Special, and you know what ? what’s make him so Special, his unconditional love for you and all. without any expectation he knows only to give. In Today’s give and take world this thing make him so special.
Thank you for sharing with us, I conceive this website really stands out : D.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my post. I hope you’ll come back for more. 🙂