Autism has many challenges. Many of those limit my son’s ability to experience things that would make a huge difference in his life. One such thing is friendship and companionship. With my son’s limited social skills, speech delays, and sensory issues, many find it intimidating or not enjoyable enough to be around him, play or interact with him. This leaves him lonely and friendless and has deprived him of the experiences that most children his age grow up enjoying and building memories about. He is 12 and does not have a single friend so far. No playdates, no sleepovers, no birthday invites, no one to sit next to him in the cafeteria, walk with him in the school corridors, or ride bikes with him. So far, he has been on his own, in his own world, smiling at things, playing with fidgets, and just watching others or just staring into nothingness. 

I don’t know if he strives for friendship at all, he has never told me, I have not been able to make out. But those random occasions when he found himself around a very small group of children who gave him the smallest of attention, I have seen his eyes glimmer with excitement. So I would want to assume he doesn’t mind someone giving him the attention and company he secretly loves to get but is not sure how to get it. As parents, we have always tried filling this void, but no matter how much I try, my parenting creeps into our pretend friendship moment and spoils it for him.

So very recently, after everyone in my friend circle was vaccinated, we finally decided to get together and spend a couple of days together. I was a little worried because it would be after a long 1.5 yrs that my son was going to be in a social situation. To our pleasant surprise, he thoroughly enjoyed being with everyone and gladly doled out hugs and kisses to everyone. Though everyone was very affectionate to him, there was someone in particular who my son got especially attached to. From the very first day, when he met my son, he decided not to leave his side, ignoring most of the other people around him. On his first meeting, he kept following my son, and playing over and over again, a modified version of the “knock knock” game that my son kept running away from. I wanted to tell him to quit. I knew my son enough to know that such games neither interest him, or even if they did, it was too short a time to expect him to get to know how to play it. But very soon, the persistence worked. Now my son was enjoying answering his “knocks” and had learned the game!! I was so glad I didn’t stop them from their craziness. I could have never imagined that within a span of 3 hours, my son could learn a new game but he did, because he had someone who was not willing to give up on being with him!!

We met the next day again and all they did was tickle each other. My son loves car rides and his friend made sure he got one. He also made sure that my son was always sitting next to him in every car ride, chatting with him, showing him new things, pestering him to interact, not leaving a single moment idle. By the evening of that day, they were the best of friends. I saw my son try to drag him out while his friend was posing for a group photo and then demand tickles. This was followed by my son standing next to him in the group photo, trying to tickle him again secretly and making a game out of it. It was so heartwarming to see my son seek someone else’s company apart from his parents.

The following day, his friend stayed over at our place. All the late-nighters and excitement had taken a toll on our sleep and so as he was playing with my son, he dozed off on the couch. My son, being him, did not have a single sleepy bone in him, so all he did was walk back and forth by his sleeping friend, peeking into his face, checking if he is awake, gently trying to tickle him and generally just keeping a watch and waiting for him to wake up so that they could play again. The next couple of days went by with them bonding over food, car rides, tickles, and made-up games. 

Every time I saw them together, I beamed with happiness over my son and his new friend. It’s natural, it’s organic for kids to make friends. But for someone like my son, who has never experienced friendship, this was a very special moment. What made this even more special was the fact that his friend was almost 35 yrs older to him. Yes, 35 years, and that absolutely did not make any difference in the way they interacted and spent time with each other, giggling, chasing and playing. It shows in how my son enjoys being around him. It showed in how his eyes lit up with that familiar sparkle that I had noticed when he watched other kids. This was special, very special. It made me realize that it’s not the age, nor your professional degree that qualifies you to get into the mostly unexplored world of someone like my son. It is the heart and the kindness that it holds that makes all the difference. Kids like my son are not difficult to befriend, if only you have the willingness. I understand that it’s difficult, but I also know that it’s not impossible. I have seen it happen, so I know.

Kids like my son do not have to spend all their life friendless and alone. They love companionship too, they just don’t know how to ask for it. A little patience, some understanding, and a big heart is all you need to make them a part of your life and change how they perceive the world. I appreciate all those who give him a smile, that occasional hi, and those random interactions that come out of pity, but what my son needs is a genuine willingness to be with him, to actually enjoy his uniqueness and his company and someone who would go that extra mile to be a part of his world. Your age is the last thing that matters, your heart does.

So, now someone with a huge heart is my son’s 1st friend ever. My son has a friend!