Scoring against Autism

My son is autistic. The severity of his challenges puts him in the category of individuals significantly impacted by autism. It makes things that are seemingly easy for many, a struggle, and sometimes borderline impossible for him, like getting his feet sized, putting a particular style or kind of clothing or accessory on him, or as so many parents of autistic kids can agree with – getting a hair cut. 

Going to a hairdresser has to be among the top 3 challenges that most parents with autistic kids talk about. There have been several articles by professionals about strategies to deal with this. Parents have shared horror stories about this experience and formed peer support groups over this . There have been posts on social media when a hairdresser goes out of their way to help get a child with autism through a haircut. In fact, a whole new category of hairdressers has evolved who are more sensory-friendly in their approach.

So, it’s not a surprise that we too have had our share of struggles when it came to getting a haircut for our son. 2 days before his hair cut, we would start talking to him about it, show videos, and do pretend hair cuts to prep him for the D-day. On the day of the haircut, I would carry a couple of his fidgets to distract him and a change of clothes because he would invariably throw up out of anxiety, right in the parking lot. Going in we would act unnaturally cheerful like we were going to Disney World, just so he can feel less nervous about it. If there was a wait, we would go back in the car while one of us would wait until it was his turn and then call him. The waiting always built up his anxiety. Right before the haircut, I would give a brief overview of his challenges to the hairdresser and request her to be patient. I would also check with her if this was something she was ok doing for my son. Once all of this was in place, my husband and I would stand next to our son whose discomfort started with the cape because he was too sensitive around his neck and could not tolerate it. Once that was in place, I would kneel down and hold my son while his dad helped the hairdresser with making sure our son did not try running away or making any sudden movements that might injure him. Then we would all sing his favorite rhymes until we were finally somehow able to get through the most basic haircut within the least possible time.

Next month it would repeat all over again. It was no less than a nightmare for us. It was not just our son, it seemed like we too started dreading his haircuts.

Often we would consider skipping the whole haircut hassle and letting his hair grow but then he needed help with his personal hygiene as well and this was only going to add to his troubles. So we gambled on consistency and routine to help us through this challenge and hoped that one day it would all become easier. 

As years went by, we went down from prepping 2 days ahead to talking about it on the day of the haircut and just taking one fidget and an iPad. He was handling the cape a little better, tucking his fingers between the cape and his neck to prevent contact. However,  he still continued to be extremely anxious, and try to grab the clippers or hold the hairdresser’s hands during the haircut. The rhymes still continued and I was still hugging him and holding his hands, covered as much in his hair clipping as he was, sometimes more! But I have to admit that after 13 years things had started to look up.

This year, right before his school was to reopen, in our preparation for back-to-school, we went in for another one of his hair cut. Once in the store, I performed my usual drill of informing the hairdresser and bracing her up for my son’s anxiety and defensiveness. This time, however, in a rush, I forgot his fidgets and iPad, so we were in there without the usual support. As he sat on the chair, I notice him getting a little queasy but he immediately relaxed and allowed the hairdresser to put the cape on. I decided to stand right next to him but not hold or hug him. As the clippers came out, I was ready to block him from grabbing the clippers or the hairdresser’s arms but to my surprise, he sat quietly, letting the clippers smoothly glide over his hair. This was the boy who strongly resists getting his hair combed or brushed because of his sensory defensiveness but here he was calmly getting his hair clipped. It was like I was watching his anxieties shredding away!!!! As I stood there, watching him smile, sometimes at me and mostly at his reflection in the mirror, I wondered how far we have come and how proud this simple moment of a haircut makes me. There was my 13 yr old boy, sitting calmly, getting a haircut like all of his peers. Today made the long journey to this moment worth every bit. The extraordinariness of this situation was the fact that it was so ordinary!!! It was an absolutely uneventful visit to a neighborhood hairdresser and I could not have been more proud.

As I have often said, our journey with autism is replete with challenges and worries but it is moments like these, apparently simple, ordinary, and mundane but one, that for us, sparkle with joy and magic that makes this journey worthwhile. 

Autism may win the race, but this lap was ours!!!